he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i drank out of a bidet.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
