Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
