We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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