You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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