I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize