im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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