I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
