you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
