Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
