i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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