last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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