it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
