i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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