FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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