also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
