I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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