My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
