Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
