i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
