So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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