On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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