Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize