I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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