When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
