I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
