Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize