I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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