8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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