i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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