You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
