I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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