There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
