My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
