Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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