I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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