i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
