so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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