TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
