I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize