note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
