I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
