She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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