maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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