she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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