just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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