i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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