Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
