I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's shark week go big or go home
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
