Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
