He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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