omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
